Monday, March 25, 2013

Snooping in Facebook

Late Saturday night we get a text message from a family member telling us to check Jp's son's Facebook page because there were disturbing images on it. My heart was racing, fearing the worst but all we can see is typical teenage boy stuff. Photos of girls making funny faces, a friend riding the too small horsey at the shopping centre, and various other images of pop culture references. However, amongst all of that was a photo of a dead baby. Now I'm not sure where it's from or why it's there, he made no comments on it but it's included in his photos. This photo upset the family member enough for her to keep talking about it all weekend.

I wanted to tell her that if she hadn't been snooping in his account she wouldn't have seen it - she's not on his friends list and she wasn't invited to look. His account is public that is true. However, to me it's like reading someone's diary - you'll probably ending up finding out something you shouldn't really know about and then it makes it difficult to "un-do". The kid isn't bad, he's not in any skin-head groups or obsessed with killing or destruction. His grades are fine and he's a tidy, clean kid who likes to run on the treadmill in his basement on weeknight to keep in shape. He's a pretty normal teenaged boy. I've seen a couple of them grow up and he doesn't seem him doing anything much different.

But she sent text messages and then called to talk to Jp -  still upset a full day later. God know how long she must have ranted to her husband. She'll probably talk about it all week at work. And now I'm starting to feel sorry for the boy. He's just merrily going along, doing what kids do - he has no clue that some crazy, nosy aunt is upset by something she saw in a place she shouldn't have been looking.

I'll have to leave this one up to Jp as it's his family and he'll better know what to say to her. And as I've always said  ' steer clear of conversations about kids and dogs - two subjects that people fiercely protect their way of thinking'. These discussions never go well.

UPDATE: Oh it's not over, she decided to bring it up again last night AND the meddling aunt decided she would talk to the boy's mother, even though she's been asked multiple times over the years not to communicate with her. She would preface her comments to us by saying  "I respect your parenting skills" but then didn't give us the chance to talk to him. His mother has taken down the page and taken away his phone and now, thanks to the aunt, we can't even reach the boy. His Spring Break was ruined all because some nosy relative decided to "get all up in his business" Now I'm feeling bad for him.


Teena in Toronto said...

It's his FB and he can post what he wants.

Laoch of Chicago said...

I think it is a good idea not to comment on his page as long as he is breaking no laws. You want him to trust and respect you and allowing him some reasonable freedom will help facilitate that.

As to his Aunt, I would certainly not let her speak to him about it if I could help it. If she got around me somehow I would be supportive of him and very critical of her when and if he spoke to me about it. Since it is not your sibling I would ask my spouse to speak to her and frankly to suggest she mind her own business. If she escalated things despite all this I would of course have to use my superior intellect to crush her soul.

My Little Corner said...

Thank you Tina
Excellent advice Loach - I agree wholeheartedly.