Saturday, September 19, 2015

Where I've been, and where I'm goin'

Sigh, more time slipped past me. Each day I have things to tell you but by the time I'm done work, and posted on Facebook and done a bunch of other things, I don't get back to my computer. Plus I do most of my 'fun' stuff on the iPad but prefer to type these posts on my computer. And that was part of the problem. My desk was filled with other things and there wasn't a place for my computer and so I found that it would just stay in its case, turned off, day after day.

Now I have cleared some desk space and I tend to leave it on but just put it to sleep. I find that I am more likely to go in and out of it much more often. I guess the iPad has spoiled me because it's never really turned off and comes on so quickly. The scary thought is that all this speedy computer equipment makes my brain want things quicker and I think my attention span is getting smaller. Luckily I'm not like those some of the people on TV shows like the ones they show on Slice or TLC, but still I find myself quitting something because I'm not willing to wait. I'm still a pretty good listener and my mind doesn't wander when others are talking, so there is still some hope for me yet.

I haven't shared too much about it here but this past year has been a bit of a struggle for me dance-wise. I started the year with some good intentions but by April I was frustrated. I wasn't happy with the way my classes were going. I wasn't happy with some of the people in my classes and of course there was an upcoming performance which ate away at my nerves the closer we got to the date. I even stood in the studio of one of my friends and announced to the other 4 ladies in my group that after the May 30th show I was quitting. Yup, I'm sure that didn't make them feel so good either.

And then something changed. I decided that I wouldn't bother about being bothered by other people in the class - after all they had just as much right to be there as I did. And I decided my new motto would be "shut up and dance". I would forget the bullshit and I would concentrate on being a student, a good student. And because of the performance I had to practice every day and the more I practiced the better I felt about my pieces. Sure I was nervous before the show, but not like how I used to be for the first couple of events. Jp hated my pre-show bitching and wanted me to never perform again - he just couldn't understand why I'd willingly put myself through it all. Frankly I couldn't either - I resented the extra time spent practicing, the demands on my budget for costuming etc and the nerves related to performing.

But the performance went fine. I survived. And it wasn't that bad. And maybe that was where the real change began. In August we had to perform at a Summer Fair and I was barely nervous. And now there is another performance next week and I am fine with it too. I don't bitch about it to Jp. I already have the costume pieces and I just need to keep practising the songs so I don't forget and to fine tune. I no longer want to quit dance, in fact I want more!! I signed up again for my fall classes plus twice monthly I take private lessons with a different instructor for a different (but related) style of dance. I also find myself practicing whenever and wherever I can - like the grocery store, or waiting for the dog to 'do her business'. I hear songs in stores that catch my ear that I think would be a good song to perform to, and I currently have two pieces that I am working on for a possible solo one day.

Wow, what a metamorphosis!! You have no idea how shy and introverted I was  - and actually still am, but in a different way (that'll be a whole other post!!). 2015 is definitely a year of growth and change for me-dancewise. And I think it must be contagious as I feel that I am also ready to move onto some new things  in the artsy-craftsy realm - such as more pen and ink - maybe water colour (hence the banner change above) which by the way came from a fabulous site called INKSTRUCK STUDIO - do check her out. So that's where I'll be spending my 'other' spare moments and I hope I will have more to write about on that subject very soon.
talk soon, D

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