Blog Challenge - How have I changed in the last two years?

I've decided to participate in a blog challenge this month, just for fun and to get myself back in the writing groove. Since school's been out and I've cut back on dance, I've really been enjoying reconnecting with myself - time to create again, time to relax and sit in the sun. I  won't quite dance completely but for fall I will cut back, opting out of the performance classes and dropping in where my schedule allows. Maybe a bit of a break will be good for me. Besides I'm still figuring out my muscle pain and trying to heal that dang heel spur pain.

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Now back to the question :

(1) in the past two years I've changed a lot in my dance. I've been to several workshops, I've tried different teachers and I've done several performances. Although I still get the backstage and preparatory jitters, I have since realize that nothing bad will happen if I do make a mistake. For my last big performance in June, I worked very hard on learning the pieces, I took two days off work to sew my costumes and I had a meltdown backstage that only my instructor could bring me back from. But on stage I think I did pretty well. However, to date, I have yet to see a photo or a video and that's very frustrating to me. In fact this past year*, I had promised myself I'd work harder than I ever had and I would take all the workshops that I could. I even applied for - and won - a dance scholarship. Unfortunately at all the performances I did this year, I somehow managed to be completely in the wrong spot for the photographers. I was cut out of one whole video and two far from the lens in another and still waiting for the June videos. Photos were pretty much the same, due to space constrictions and the fact that I'm a nice gal, I took to the back row a couple of times - unfortunately that meant I wasn't visible for photos. Since no family or friends (non-dance friends) were at my performances, I have no real feedback on how I did. And that's a deal breaker for me.

It was a real lunchbox let down. And it's changed my approach for this upcoming year.

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(2) As with most people, I've evolved with my crafts - I look back to things I've put up in my shop over the past couple of years and I wonder about my thought process. I hope that I'm making much nicer items and better choices for the products now.

(3)With age, I've mellowed. Or I'm trying to mellow. See my previous posts on 'occupational burnout'. I'm trying to relax and not let work stress me out so much. I do like my work, but my employer doesn't have the best way of dealing with people and some customers are absolutely hellish - but the bottom line - I like my work.

(4) I'm struggling with my aging body and accepting that I can't do the things I once did. I'm letting go of more of the past, realizing something's are fruitless to hold onto. And have even let go of many future hopes realizing my life really hasn't turned out at all the way my younger self thought (or hoped it would). I've accepted that my life seems to be unorthodox compared to most, in fact, at times it had been almost predictable that its turned out different than expected (now that's a paradox isn't it?)

That was a good question.  Perhaps I should ponder it more in my personal journal as I know I could drone on and on but don't want to scare you away (again) LOL

* I tend to think of dance in school year - not

calendar year i.e. Sept 15-June2016. So this

school year is coming to an end with my big

3 day dance retreat in the next town over. 

Rainy Sunday

Today is one of those days. Stormy/Windy/Rainy. The kind of day you want to stay inside and watch a movie - which I did.

I got up this morning and the rain was coming down pretty hard so I didn't want to take Eco out just yet because is seems that if very rarely rains steadily all day here. So we watched The Thomas Crown Affair with Steve McQueen and Faye Dunaway  and sure enough, by the time it was over, the rain had stopped so out we went. But I knew it wouldn't stop for long so I still put on my rain pants and jacket and hat. But it was 18 degrees and soon I was overheated. Eco was pretty hot in her polar fleece rain coat and so I decided it would be better to dry her off at home than to have her overheat in her coat. Plus Labradors don't give two barks about the weather!

And like the old Aesop's fable where the sun and the wind messed with the guy and his cloak, off and on went my rain jacket and I even contemplated taking off my rain pants. But I didn't. Let me just says I was more than happy to come home and strip off all that hot rain gear!!

And now I go from hiking boots and rain gear (not very feminine) to doing my nails in a gold glitter nail polish and putting on a sparkly bra and belt and full length flouncy skirt for dance rehearsal. Yup, not all girly-girl princess but not a tomboy either.

Hope your sunday is a good one too, 

D

Where I've been, and where I'm goin'

Sigh, more time slipped past me. Each day I have things to tell you but by the time I'm done work, and posted on Facebook and done a bunch of other things, I don't get back to my computer. Plus I do most of my 'fun' stuff on the iPad but prefer to type these posts on my computer. And that was part of the problem. My desk was filled with other things and there wasn't a place for my computer and so I found that it would just stay in its case, turned off, day after day.

Now I have cleared some desk space and I tend to leave it on but just put it to sleep. I find that I am more likely to go in and out of it much more often. I guess the iPad has spoiled me because it's never really turned off and comes on so quickly. The scary thought is that all this speedy computer equipment makes my brain want things quicker and I think my attention span is getting smaller. Luckily I'm not like those some of the people on TV shows like the ones they show on Slice or TLC, but still I find myself quitting something because I'm not willing to wait. I'm still a pretty good listener and my mind doesn't wander when others are talking, so there is still some hope for me yet.

The ups and downs of a dance student

When my dance instructor announced that she was putting on a show and then told us that we would be in five numbers- I panicked. I go to dance glass for the fun of it, I have huge stage fright and don't want to perform. She told us that we would have to have more rehearsals including several hours on Sunday's as well. I think I felt overwhelmed and an a bit resentful of the demands on my time and money.

I started to dread the whole thing. In fact, after feeling like this for about two weeks. I told my dance sisters that I was going to quit dancing after the show. They were shocked. It felt so huge, like I had so much that needed to spill out of me. 

Then about two weeks ago my instructor talked to me about it. I told her that I had a lot to say about it and I couldn't say it all in the 15 minutes before class, but we did discuss it a bit. Then she had a talk with the whole group and told us that we didn't have to feel obligated to all of it. She told us how when she first started, her first dance instructor put her in 14 pieces!! Yes fourteen!! She understood. She wanted to give us an opportunity to perform if we wanted to. But we could opt out. 

Then just like the clouds parting to allow the sun to dry up the rain, I suddenly felt better too.  In fact, a couple of weeks later, I signed up for the next session of classes (and even ADDEDa class), bought my costume for the show, and have decided to do at least two pieces. One of my dance sisters and I are talking about doing our own duet after the show - so we can perform in September. 

Funny how a little pressure and a conversation or two can change everything. 

Putting the "Happy" into "Happy New Year"

Although there hasn't been much activity in the blog there has been lots activity on the other side of my computer. Not only did I have plenty of custom knitting orders in December (which I loved!!!) but once things died down, I decided it was time to rearrange my work room.

I am an employee that works from home and have a desk dedicated for my job. Although I'm constantly on the lookout for new and improved ways to work and process the jobs and to become more paperless, I still have lots of files and papers on my desk -this is not a place that I do any other work. In the same room I had a nice little desk with a hutch that I considered my personal desk, but I had buried it behind craft supplies and couldn't access the drawers or doors. I decided that it would be good to have one desk for work and one desk for personal use. The personal desk could have pretty things like candles and flowers on it. I also thought it would be good if they could be across from each other as this would put them both near the window and both near the baseboard heater plus all I would have to do is turn the chair around from one spot to another which would save some space.

This simple idea, however, took three days to do. It involved unloading two 7' tall Bonde (Ikea)  bookcases and moving a filing cabinet. It also involved getting rid of as many things as I could. The task is now complete and I am happy with the results. The room is still fuller than it should be but I am happy with it and will continue to work on it. And I still have 3 knitting orders for January, which also makes me very happy.

As well over the past two weeks I was able to sit down with several wonderful ladies who've not only supported me in my knitting business but also in my dance. It is a wonderful feeling to connect with such amazing people. I also had a long meeting with my dance instructor discussing where I'm at and how I'm feeling and this has also renewed my excitement for dance and the future.  I know it sounds cliche but it's definitely been a journey in so many ways.

For me, and many others I talked to, 2014 was a tough year. It's not the worst year of my life, and tragic things didn't necessarily happen, but it was hard - not much came easy that's for sure. And interestingly, it was the same for many others. But I do believe that those tough things won't exist this year and I really think the tough past was a prelude to good 2015. I already put all  the hard work into building the foundation and feel I will reap the benefits this year.

I've suffered from depression and low moods throughout my life but I'm feeling really good about things right now. I'm feeling happy and I feel hopeful. I don't write resolutions but I do 'set intentions' (so to speak) for my future and I feel confident about the upcoming months. Dance class starts on Monday. Next weekend four of us are going to Seattle for a three day dance intensive training. Jp and I are both working and money's not as tight as it had been. I am hopeful my brother and I can mend our relationship this year. My mom and I are planning a trip to Europe this spring. I don't want for anything but look forward to peace and happiness and contentment. And this is the song floating around my head:

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Here's to new friends

Last night after class,  I went out for coffee with a fellow dancer. We were in classes together for several months before she switched to a different night but every now and again we see each other, and she always gives me the tightest hugs.

It has been a long time since I've met someone that I could talk that easily with and look in the eye when we talked to each other (eye contact is really important isn't it?) And next thing we knew it was 11:30 and I had to go because I have to get up at 6am for work.

I really hope that we're able to meet again  soon. What a wonderful visit I had. Definitely worth feeling tired today. Have you recently met someone like that?

Shine Bright Like a Diamond

Around 2am last night (this morning) I suddenly awoke and my right hand was drawn to my engagement ring. My eyes still closed and in the dark I felt the ring which was strangely different. I knew instantly that the diamond was gone. I took my ring off and put it in a box and then laid awake for at least 30 minutes thinking about all the places I could have lost it and when I saw it last.

Although I am usually a home body, on Monday nights I go to dance and so I could have lost the diamond anywhere in that studio as my arms were swing around for two and a half hours.... and sparkly things on the floor is a pretty common occurrence.

Oh, and when I came home from dance last night, I had hand watered the front garden. Of course I did. Hand waving all over dirt and leaves and whatever else...

We still tried to look around the house this morning, but I've pretty much accepted the fact that it is gone. After sharing my story with some friend it seems somewhat common for many of them to have lost the whole ring, so just losing a diamond I guess isn't as bad? Still I won't be able to replace the stone anytime soon and a wedding ring without an engagement ring looks a little lonely doesn't it?

And I still think it's really weird how I snapped awake to realize it was gone. The whole thing has kinda put me in a downer mood all day.

It's all over + catch up

Well the performance went well - I made a couple of mistakes in my first piece but all in all I think I did pretty good and I think I remembered to smile a lot more than I have in the past. We were doing two songs back to back  and the second one started faster than we thought so I missed the opening pose and the first couple of steps to get caught up to the group. We were complimented on the fact that we didn't let it get to us and that we kept going. It's hard to know how the others did, as I couldn't really see them since I was in front I could only concentrate on myself.

I can definitely say that I am relieved it's over - but glad I did it as this was definitely one of the better performances I've done. I'm getting much better at not being so very nervous.

I hope the video will be available soon, I'd really love to see for myself how our group looked.

Monday was a quickie catch up class and the new summer session starts next Monday. I am looking forward to that as well.

Tuesday was Canada Day - and we had the most amazing weather. Jp and I had to go to a mall to pick up an order, however, we probably spent a  1/2 hour detouring because the Canada Day parade was going right past the mall. It was so nice to have a day off in the middle of the week!

I'm still loving the weather, but the dang mosquitoes make it hard to sit outside - plus I feel so bad for Eco who runs away when I grab the bottle of citronella pet spay (or is covered in mosquitoes the moment she stand still for a second).

It's Showtime!

It is show day today. I am ready as I am ever going to be.  I just need to shower, do make-up and get dressed. Time goes as fast or slowly as it wants to, so I must just go with the flow as I am powerless to change the  way the day will unfold. Do you know what I mean? It's kinda like baking a cake, you pick a recipe, you buy the I ingredients, you mix it all up and the when it comes time for baking, all you can do is sit and wait.

I will let you know how it goes. Hope your day is going well too.

Performance Jitters

oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy

It's performance time again for me. This will be my 4th time. It seems so silly to get freaked out about it when there are dancers with my instructor who do 4 a week. Or my amazing niece that is only 13 and has performed hundreds of times and has won trophies and awards.

But I'm not them, and I'm still freaking out. We had a good practice last night. I'm with a good group, we all move really well with each other - except one lady who has been out of town for the past two weeks. She'll show up for the performance but she hasn't been to practice. It concerns us because when someone's not there you fill there place, then suddenly sticking a person in can mess you up a bit.

We talked a bit to our instructor about it - she didn't say too much other than that we shouldn't worry about it and we can't worry about how she performs. And I understand what she means. I do need to just go out there - relax and pretend to enjoy it. As they say, I do know the moves, I just "need to slow down and relax. Don't rush it". That's what I am repeatedly told.

So this week I'll be refining the moves and preparing for Sunday's performance. I'm going to do a good job. right? If you have any performance advice please let me know!

Exercise Obstacle # 1

This cartoon really hits home because it's happened to me a gazillion times. There is no way I can lay on the floor to do exercises without my No.1 fan wanted to be even closer to me!

And, if I'm trying to practice dance - she will lay smack dab in the middle of the little area of floor I was trying to move it.

It really teaches me how to be SUPER aware of my surroundings!

It's Show Time!!

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! This is it folks  - It's World Bellydance Day and it's time for the global charity ShimmyMob event! Check out more deets here

And I've been busy practicing all week. I've even been practising all over my backyard in shoes because today we'll be performing outside in a park. I've only danced and practiced indoors and in studios - it's hard to get fluid turns and movements when you can't spin and slide the way you are used to.

I think I am ready and I remind myself of these words spoke to me by my former instructor, well known choreographer for the Shimmy TV show - Kim Pechet -  said to me after my last performance "you know the moves, trust yourself and smile".

I'm still new to performing and I can see that I do get better each time I do it, and I know that many famous performers still get stage fright before they go on, but they overcome it and perform flawlessly so I am aiming to put the fears aside and just dance.

I also tell myself  - I can't stop time,the event will happen no matter what I do.

Besides it's a free event in a park on a rainy day. It's only 3 minutes long. By the time we start, it'll almost be over.

Time to go get ready - wish me luck!
And as we dancer say backstage to each other "bust a bra!"

I'm feeling awkward

Today I'm going to a .. hhmmm.. I don't know what to call it - it's a conference of a sort for dance. There will be costuming and jewellery vendors, performances,  workshops and food. The local dance association holds this bazaar twice a year. Today several performers from my studio will be going so I will be there in hopes of buying some new costuming, support my fellow dancers and perhaps take a workshop.

It's a wee bit of a drive, so I posted in our group on facebook "would anyone like to carpool with me?" Since it's Facebook I assumed that people who were my friends would post a reply. But then I get a message from someone I've never met before saying that our dance instructor told her to contact me for a ride.

Gee, what was I supposed to do? So I agreed. I didn't know how to get out of it.

Now I will be driving with someone for at least an hour to the show and then home again. I hope she doesn't want to stick by my side the whole day - I'm not a good shopper and really don't want someone standing next to me all day (is that mean?).

It all seems a bit awkward. I'm trying not to think about it. I keep telling myself to be more zen - maybe she'll be really nice and it'll all work out. Maybe I have to trust my instructor - if she recommended this lady to contact me, maybe this person will be okay.

Off I go, I'll let you know how it worked out. Do you ever get these situations that seem like a good idea, and then they seem to go awry in ways you didn't think about?

UPDATE: Nope. Sadly it didn't go so well. When I picked her up, her first words were not "Hi, I'm Maureen, nice to meet you"  -they were "I didn't think you'd show up". Followed by "Can we stop at 7-11 first?" She was a smoker, which I'm not used to anymore, so her heavy smoke smell in my car was rather unpleasant. No, we did not connect. In fact, at first I was a wee bit angry for my instructor to have sent this person my way. It was no favour to me, but who knows, maybe it really helped this woman out as she wouldn't have been able to go if she hadn't gotten a ride from me.

No good deed goes unpunished?

It's over, lesson learned.

How I spent my Family Day

So what did I do with my extra (rainy) day off?

• made the hubz breakfast in bed
• did the dishes
• baked vanilla cupcakes
• did the dishes
• made lunch 
• did the dishes
• walked the dog
• made orange flavoured frosting for the cupcakes 
• iced the cupcakes
• did the dishes
• brought the hubz cupcakes and coffee
• ran the dishwasher
• took some finished project photos
• showered
• got dressed (hair and make-up + dance practice costume)
• ate some dinner (leftovers)
• went to dance class
• came home went to bed. 

Is that good?
I think I wash dishes too much. How does that happen? Probably because of my cooking/baking motto - "right tool for the job"

Here's what the cupcakes looked like:

I have a question for you

Every year there are several workshops and shows in the Vancouver area put on by well-known dancers in our community. Typically a dance school will host the 'celebrity' who will teach individual classes or whole weekend retreats. Often the cost for a 2-4 hour workshop can be around $150, and a whole weekend is easily around $350 or more dollars. Plus the costs to travel to the show etc.

Last week it was announced that really 'famous' dancer was going to be coming to Victoria (which is on an island near Vancouver) -so not only would there be the costs for the workshop but you'd need  over $200 for the ferry to get to/from the island plus hotel and food etc.

Why am I telling you all this? To give you an idea of the costs associated with one weekend training workshop. By the time all these costs add up, I knew that I couldn't afford to go. But  apparently my instructor had also mentioned that she couldn't afford to go so one of the wealthier students felt that since our instructor always shares what she's learned with her students, that she would front the money for the weekend seminar and then asked us to help her with the costs.

Multiple students committed to giving $50 so our instructor could go to the seminar. Any extra money donated would be given to our instructor to help pay her hotel and food etc. Based on rough estimate of those who said they'd pay, I'm sure the goal was met.

But I am on the fence about this - what do you think? The dance school is a business. We pay money to come to class each week - now we're asked to pay for our instructor's training? You wouldn't see that anywhere else would you? Would you pay your dentist or doctor for training so they'll be able to look after you better?

I know there is a strong sense of caring and support for everyone in the dance group and I'm not for or against one side or the other - I am just curious as to what you think of this scenario.

Dance Update

The recital on Sunday went well - during our first song each of us (5 in my group) seemed to have had at least one little glitch,  overcome by fear and nervousness, but we all kept going and finished the piece. Not too bad since most of us hadn't performed before and those of us that have, have only done so a couple of times. Our second piece went really well. We owned it!! And we all felt really good about it. And we received very positive feedback and praise for it. Yay!

And so, with each performance it gets a little easier and a little better and who knows what I'll be telling you next year - maybe I'll have done a solo by then! I've struggled lately with doubts about continuing at times when I had trouble with a combination or a move, but I've received wonderful encouragement from my instructors and feedback from others that I will continue.

In the previous post, my most loyal, blog reader/commenter Laoch made this comment, "It is sad that something you are doing for fun became stressful". And that really struck a chord with me. I couldn't get this comment out of my head in Monday's class and will definitely remind myself of this - it's so very true! Thank you Laoch - I really appreciate the reminder!

We have a six week winter break and I'm determined to practice even more so that there is a visible improvement when I return to class in January. I'll keep you posted on that! Thank goodness for DVD training videos and online classes!

And thank you everyone for your support and well wishes, I very much appreciate it!

I'm a little nervous

Today we have a dance performance and the studio where I have been training for the past 6 months. I never had any intention or desire to be a performer, but somewhere along the train ride, I realized I'd gone too far without saying anything and I couldn't jump off. About 2 weeks ago after a very bad costume sewing experience which caused me to lose my shit and unnecessarily scream at my husband (who's been gracious enough to never talk about it again) - I decided I was going to quit. But I felt I owed it to my fellow dancers to tell them in person. By the end of the class, I still hadn't told them but I stayed behind and had a little talk with my instructor. She did an amazing job talking 'me off the ledge' and thanked me for making the ledge big enough for her to be on it with me so she could talk to me.

So here I am getting ready to perform for an audience of fellow dancers and family members. A 'safe' environment for a newbie performer, but still daunting none the less.

All that I have left to do is my stage makeup - I'm waiting until it's closer to the time because I thought it would be best if it was 'fresh'. Thank goodness for youtube, I spent a good portion of yesterday watching videos learning how to do stage makeup. There sure is a lot to learn before stepping out on a stage before an audience.

So out I go, to 'bust a bra' as we say in the dance world! Wish me luck!

Christmas Calendar

Yesterday I went to watch my dance sisters perform at the Annual Tree Lighting at the old town square -it was a warm 8 degrees C but still cold when your costume isn't designed for outside. My feet were cold just standing on the street. The only good thing is that once you get going and you're moving around you might not notice the cold so much but still a tough place to perform.

I'm proud of them, they did really good. There was a small group of Children who sat on the street in front of the stage and watched very intently, some even wiggled their little bums in time to the music. It must be hard to compete when a visit with Santa is right next door to the stage!

My performance is less than a week away. I find myself practice parts, if not all, of my routines anywhere I can. And being fairly new to performing I'd like to be at the beginning of the show, but unfortunately one of the ladies in our group is returning from vacation - her plane lands at 4:15 and she thinks she'll make it in time for the show which is between 6 and 8 pm. I wonder if we'll be the last group performing? Or will we have to perform without her? Stay tuned until next week!

Lots of little things happening, November always seems busier than December these days. It seems like people assume that December schedules are busy and so things start to get scheduled for November - do you find that as well? I'm sure it must be even crazier in the US since Thanksgiving is this week as well. How's your holiday scheduling this year?

Getting better with age?

When I was in my late teens, I was in pretty good shape. I was on the high school track team, tennis team and grass hockey team. I also did some bodybuilding and even worked at Gold's Gym for several years. In my 20's I worked in offices and believed I could climb the corporate ladder. I gave up fitness and spent my days working overtime and on weekends and traveling for work for extended periods of time. I lost all that muscle definition I had in my teens and even went to doctors for sore knees and back. I couldn't wash my face without holding onto the counter, and bending over to brush my teeth also hurt. I was quite thin because I never had time to eat. I lived on several cups of coffee and some cigarettes.

In my early 30's I experienced three significant life changing situations and lost who I was. I gained weight and had trouble going up and down stairs - we'd take the elevator at the shopping mall because my knees hurt so much.

But by the end of my 30's things changed - I got myself together. I regularly did pilates and then yoga, and then I started dancing. And once I got a labrador puppy I committed to walking every day  - every day except if one of us is hurt or injured.

Now I feel like I am in really good shape. I'm not skinny but I'm healthy. I have energy. I feel strong. I can run up and down stairs without knee pain, my back rarely hurts (usually only following something silly in the garden).

And minor issues seem to have subsided as well - I was diagnosed with a heel spur and was told it would never go away. I bought orthotics and wore them daily for a year. Now I only wear them during my dog walks and don't feel that pain.  And, for years I suffered with sore throats and mouth ulcers. A diagnosis told me that they were caused by a reaction to things I've eaten - not an allergy, so not to bother with allergy pills for this symptom. I decided I'd notice the pain but I would also ignore it. And also not bacterial. I haven't gone to the doctor or antibiotics for my throat in several years.

I thought the best health in our lives was our twenties, but for me it seems like now is pretty good. Is that what they mean by middle age? Am I at my peak now and will I decline from here on out?

There are lots of inspirational stories on the internet about people that are in fantastic shape and going strong in their 70s and 80s and even nineties. Can we get better with age? If we put our minds to it, how much control do we really  have? If we don't go 'overboard' and wear ourselves out how much illness can we prevent?  What do you think?

Optical Illusion Dancing

I bet you'll like this fun little dance number: