Full Moon Trouble

Wow, it was a little crazy on the interwebs yesterday with all the blood moon photos, wasn't it? Almost every posted a photo. Okay, maybe it was just my friends.  I didn't really get too see much of it - the way our house is situated and all the trees in the neighbourhood, it's hard to keep running outside to see if it has turned red. Still it was a lovely sight to see.

I don't know about you, but I'm having a terrible time at work. I can't tell if it's just a blip in my life, or our company's seasonal schedule, or if I can blame the full moon. It would be nice to blame the poor moon, who just sits up there and brightens up the dark sky because it's only full for a couple of days.

In the mean time, I'm trying to take it easy on myself since I'm having such a struggle getting through my daily 8 hours. Let me know if you think the full moon is affecting you too.

- by for now, D

Putting the "Happy" into "Happy New Year"

Although there hasn't been much activity in the blog there has been lots activity on the other side of my computer. Not only did I have plenty of custom knitting orders in December (which I loved!!!) but once things died down, I decided it was time to rearrange my work room.

I am an employee that works from home and have a desk dedicated for my job. Although I'm constantly on the lookout for new and improved ways to work and process the jobs and to become more paperless, I still have lots of files and papers on my desk -this is not a place that I do any other work. In the same room I had a nice little desk with a hutch that I considered my personal desk, but I had buried it behind craft supplies and couldn't access the drawers or doors. I decided that it would be good to have one desk for work and one desk for personal use. The personal desk could have pretty things like candles and flowers on it. I also thought it would be good if they could be across from each other as this would put them both near the window and both near the baseboard heater plus all I would have to do is turn the chair around from one spot to another which would save some space.

This simple idea, however, took three days to do. It involved unloading two 7' tall Bonde (Ikea)  bookcases and moving a filing cabinet. It also involved getting rid of as many things as I could. The task is now complete and I am happy with the results. The room is still fuller than it should be but I am happy with it and will continue to work on it. And I still have 3 knitting orders for January, which also makes me very happy.

As well over the past two weeks I was able to sit down with several wonderful ladies who've not only supported me in my knitting business but also in my dance. It is a wonderful feeling to connect with such amazing people. I also had a long meeting with my dance instructor discussing where I'm at and how I'm feeling and this has also renewed my excitement for dance and the future.  I know it sounds cliche but it's definitely been a journey in so many ways.

For me, and many others I talked to, 2014 was a tough year. It's not the worst year of my life, and tragic things didn't necessarily happen, but it was hard - not much came easy that's for sure. And interestingly, it was the same for many others. But I do believe that those tough things won't exist this year and I really think the tough past was a prelude to good 2015. I already put all  the hard work into building the foundation and feel I will reap the benefits this year.

I've suffered from depression and low moods throughout my life but I'm feeling really good about things right now. I'm feeling happy and I feel hopeful. I don't write resolutions but I do 'set intentions' (so to speak) for my future and I feel confident about the upcoming months. Dance class starts on Monday. Next weekend four of us are going to Seattle for a three day dance intensive training. Jp and I are both working and money's not as tight as it had been. I am hopeful my brother and I can mend our relationship this year. My mom and I are planning a trip to Europe this spring. I don't want for anything but look forward to peace and happiness and contentment. And this is the song floating around my head:

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Darkness that can't be avoided (don't read if you're happy)

Some days it seems that if I slow down too much I feel depressed. It seems that depression is a dark "friend" that is really always there, just waiting to step out of the darkness, waiting for the right opportunity to take over.

image credit: elysian-dreams.tumblr.com

I wanted to write something about this subject for a long time but I just kept putting it off, I didn't know how it would be received. But then yesterday I saw this collection of comics being passed around the internet and I'm sure many more people than I thought also have this issue to deal with.

Here's the collection. Does it resonate with you as well? Does it help to know that so many others are probably feeling similar?

A lot of things have come together recently - work issues, family issues, MONEY issues and then there is our depressing fall weather - it's cold, it's damp and we're experiencing monsoon rains. The weather really doesn't help me. I really hate to be cold. In times like this there are only a few places where I feel warm - in front of the fire, under the covers (especially when the mattress heater is on) and the shower.

I keep trying to tell myself I'm going through a transition and I have to get to the bottom before I can get to the top but a little part of me calls "bullshit" on those thoughts. Christmas is coming. I don't know how much money I'll have for gifts. I'm old enough that I should be able to afford nice gifts but this year I'm not so sure. Christmas is only 85 days away. Eeep!

I didn't mean to drag you down. In fact, I'd be surprised if you've read this far. It's hard enough to deal with your own depression let alone someone else's, isn't it?

I don't have a solution. It's time to go to work now. I will keep my mind busy with work stuff and not allow my brain to get idle enough to realize how I really feel today. That's the only way I know how to not sink so low. If you want to read more about this subject, I also came across this writer: Hyerbole and a Half and my friend Woz Flint posed this "beat the blues box" idea you could also try. How do you handle to low days?