The Evolution of an Employee

I have worked for the same company for almost 14 years -almost unheard of these days isn't it? In our company we have many employees who've been here for much longer than that, and many who are just waiting one to 5 years for retirement. It sounds like a prison sentence, and these days, it almost is. This doesn't mean we're a good company to work for, it probably means we're just full of desperate employees who have very personal reasons for not going elsewhere. 

For years my business immaturity and my strong sense of objectivity and hopefulness had me calling managers to alert them to problems and issues that I thought needed to be resolved, fixed or dealt with. I thought a good employee was to be proactive and help management bring about the necessary changes and fix the issues before we lost money, clients, or staff. 

But I was wrong. At least in this company. I have spent years and years frustrated by employees that didn't do their jobs without discipline or penalty, or business practices by others that had the potential to negatively affect the company. I thought I was doing a good thing, I thought I was being a good employee but it backfired on me - now some people don't like me because I implied they weren't doing their jobs or I had to nag them for paperwork to keep the process flowing. Either no one was on my side or stood up for me, or they took my ideas and presented them as their own. Instead of being rewarded or applauded for my concern for the company's well being, I've been labeled a whiner and a complainer. And although I don't like to pull out the female/male card, I suspect that being a women hasn't helped my cause either -especially when I've seen men get results when they've had to experience the same things for shorter periods of time. It also doesn't help working on the other side of the country in a home office where I can't get the attention of the right people at the most strategic times. 

For years I've tried to tell myself not to care so much, to just do my job, to not worry about others but still in the heat of it, I wouldn't listen to my rational mind and would still let those issues get to me. I spend days in anguish and frustration trying to make sense of it, trying to be heard and acknowledge. Dumping all of that onto my husband who would sit patiently and listen to me for as long as necessary.

I have felt for many years that this wasn't the place for me, that I would be better elsewhere, but I will admit that working from home made it all so much more bearable.  And friend didn't understand -to them being able to work from home trumped everything else. 

I guess I am a slow learner - it's been 14 years after all - but I think finally now I am ready to let it all slide like water off a duck's back. Perhaps because I am working on other business ideas and hoping that my part-time business(es) will soon become profitable enough that  I can walk away from this company as I have dreamt for so many years.  It's freeing.  As coworkers gripe about these crazy situations,  I can only tell them "Yes that sucks but I'm sorry, there is nothing I can do about it." I am getting better at laughing off the craziness, keeping it out of my brain and looking forward to pursuing my personal endeavours, still hopeful that I can make a living out of what I love. And if I really am a slow learner, then I won't lose site of that goal for some time yet.